By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
Randomize
