Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
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