Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
Randomize
