I am in a vortex of obligation.
Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
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