So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Randomize
