if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
