Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
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