The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize
