Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
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