I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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