pedialite and red bull = repair kit
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
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