if you like me you must not know who I am
I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
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