I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
Randomize
