drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
Randomize
