you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
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