you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
