hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
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He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
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Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
my nose is crying tears of wow.
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
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