Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
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