had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
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