my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
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