i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
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She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
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Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
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