My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
