he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
Randomize
