remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
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