I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
You've changed since you got that strap on
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
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