I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Randomize
