Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
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I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
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I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
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