Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
Randomize
