yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
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