I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
My liver is preforming stress tests.
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
Randomize
