She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
Randomize
