Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
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