I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
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