Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
Its about making memories worth repressing
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
