That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
She tied me up with her honor cords...
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
Randomize
