Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.