he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
