Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
Randomize
