you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
Help. Why am I so naked?
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize
