I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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