So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
Randomize
