The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
Randomize
