Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
