A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
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