My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
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