i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
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