i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
Randomize
