I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
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