i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
Randomize
