3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
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