He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
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