The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
Let's get the cat blown out
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
Randomize
