So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
Randomize
