dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
