What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
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