And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
Randomize
