why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize
