I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Randomize
