It's what's on the inside that counts(972): They probably have big open vaginas so the inside is no good
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
Randomize
