Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
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