I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
Go christen that room with your naked body.
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
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