He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
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