would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
Randomize
