You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
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